I might have to change the name to 75days75excuses.
I did nothing extra. But, I think I haven't clearly defined what extra is. Do I mean extra stuff to improve the place for my boss, for me, or just in general? All three, I suppose. But when I started this, I was thinking of mainly for my boss. The funny thing about that is, though, she wouldn't even notice. She rarely goes out of her house. Maybe 3 or 4 times a year. Seriously, that's it. She doesn't really have an idea what's going on around here.
Tonight I was outside cleaning off my front porch and looking around and dreaming of how I would like everything to look. I realized that maybe, just maybe, if I made everything how I wanted it to be, it would be worth it to stay. Maybe the underlying frustration is that there is so much I want to do, but I'm always questioning if it's worth it because I don't know if I'm staying or going. So I take my frustration out on my job, because it's all mixed up that way.
It's difficult. I know I am welcome to stay as long as I want, or as long as my boss is alive. And I know I can't live on "what ifs," but it's hard not to think about, "What if I pour my heart into this place and then I just have to walk away?"
That would suck. But in the meantime, I'd have a lovely place to live. And since I cannot predict the future, or how long I'll be here, maybe I should work on making it a lovely place. If I have to go, then it will be a lovely place for someone else.
I did do a couple extra things after all. I put grass hay down between some of the sheds to prevent future weed growth. My boss ( I think I will call her LuLu from now on) would hate that, but I think it will work out really well. I'm hoping it will keep the weeds down, and since it's grass hay, maybe actual grass will grow there.
Also, I took LuLu's Mama Kitty in to be euthanized. I don't know if that counts for anything, but it was hard to do. I liked Mama Kitty. Plus, doing that always reminds me of all the pets I've lost and then I cry a lot.
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